Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I supernannyed him into submission
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
