My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
