is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
