Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
