Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
