yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
