Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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