I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
