i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
