I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
