And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
