I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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