..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
