i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
