that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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