The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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