Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
