I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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