I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
