An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
