when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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