I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i have herpe
just one?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
