don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
