they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
