After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
