you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
