she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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