well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
