: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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