awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
