After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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