Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
