I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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