State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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