genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
