Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
