The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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