I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
