but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
