from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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