i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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