Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
