I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
