I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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