So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
