Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love having hate sex.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
