I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
