I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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