I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
