How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
