it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
