I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
